Not So Alone Anymore
by Cali
Summary: Sometimes, the mourn of someone you lost, can bring you closer to someone you still have... *Slash*


Sirius stared out in the empty space.

A/N: This fic is mostly angst, but also, it's my first slash fic ever, so please R/R!  
Warning: **Slash**. Male/male-action.  
Flames: will be used for grilling marshmallows.  
~~*~~  
  
Sirius stared out in the empty space.  
It was in cold nights like this, that he felt alone, so terribly alone.  
The room he was in, was, even though the candles were burned out, lit up, mostly by the silvery rays of an almost round moon, through large windows.  
How James had managed to convince his parents that it was a good idea let the four boys go to the Potter's cabin alone, was a mystery. After all, any parent with a sane mind would know it was a mistake let four 16 year-olds go on a holiday trip alone, far from the prying eyes of family.  
The boys had arrived only hours before sundown, and not wanting to have to sleep in cold rooms, they had simply conjured up a madras for each one of them in the only heated room; the living room.  
They had spread out the madrases randomly in front of the fireplace, ending up with Remus closest to the wall, together with Sirius madras forming a 90' degree angle. At the end of Sirius' feet was Peter, and then James madras lying towards the wall again.  
Together, the madrases almost formed a square, Sirius mused as he sat up, and surveyed the room.  
Ghostlike moonlight came in the windows, and the snow outside reflected it, bathing the room in cold, icy colours.   
Blankets had been laid over the furniture the last time someone had been there; probably to shield it from strong light and dust. It gave the room a somewhat creepy feeling, like it was haunted, or something.  
  
The ruffling of blankets as Peter shifted snapped Sirius out of his thoughts.  
A brief moment, he thought he was not the only one wake, but as Peter's snores soon punctuated the silence again, he thought no.  
He glanced at his friend.  
Peter was lying in the fettle position, somewhat resembling a small ball with blonde hair.  
His snores indicated that he was chopping down forests the size of Amazonas in his dreams, and he would occasionally make some funny noises and squeaks.  
  
Sirius' eyes wandered further, stopping with James.  
James Potter was the kind of guy who had it all.  
His family was rich, he was great at quidditch, and the girls simply fell for him.  
But what Sirius liked and admired about him, was the fact that despite all the aforementioned treats of his, he was a nice guy, not a prat.  
Stretched out on the madras, his arm resting on his stomach, he looked absolutely and utterly relaxed.  
Black fringes of hair almost covered James' eyes, which looked somewhat...naked without his glasses.  
The Potter heir yawned in his sleep, and stretched out, his arm nearly touching Remus Lupin's side.  
  
Sirius frowned at the sight of the brown-haired boy.  
Remus was curled up in the upper corner of the madras, his back against the wall, and his face only inches from Sirius' pillow.  
A thin arm was draped across his chest, as though he was hugging himself, searching for warmth, closeness.  
His normally pale face looked milky-white under the light of the moon, which made the large bruise on his left cheek stand out.   
Even though he had known Remus for 6 years, Sirius was still pained to see how badly the phases of the moon effected the other boy.  
But even though he knew how horrible Remus' transformations into a fully-fledged werewolf were, the aftermath, when Remus was weak, was always the worst to see, thought Sirius.  
Remus was a proud person, who never gave up. While the other three often could loose their heads, Remus would keep his own cold. He was very exclusive, and it was hard to get to know him.  
And all the time, with that determined, but closed expression on his face, an expression that would only fade when he was deep asleep, like now, or sometimes when Sirius made him laugh.  
Because even though he knew James better, or Peter longer, there was a certain bond between Remus and Sirius that could not be defined. Maybe it was because of their canine pack instincts, seeing as Sirius animagus form was a great, black dog. Yes, that had to be it.  
  
He glanced through the window.  
The stars were shining bright, forming different patterns and signs.  
Automatically, Sirius searched for his own star, the Dog Star.  
When he was little, his mother used to tell him he could shine just as bright, if he only had the will and courage. She would smile at him, and his father would laugh.  
He drew his legs up against him, and rested his head on them.  
They were gone now.  
His father had died when he was only five, leaving Sirius and his mother.  
Muggle cancer had killed her, and that because Sirius' muggle stepfather refused to let her see Mediwizards, being the magic-hating fool he was.  
Sirius still thought he could have done something, if only he hadn't been the big coward he was.  
He sniffed.   
Cursing lowly, he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, when a soft murmur sounded through the dark.  
  
"Sirius?"  
He turned at the sound of his name, and was almost startled, seeing Remus' eyes looking at him through the dark, half shut, as if he was half wake, half asleep.  
Once again he spoke.  
"Go to sleep, Sirius."  
Sirius shook his head.  
"I can't."  
Remus blinked a couple of times, as to wake properly, sitting up, looking at Sirius.  
"Sirius... what are you thinking of?"  
"My mother," Sirius answered, eyes downcast, not meeting Remus' gaze. "How I could have saved her, if I hadn't chickened out, hiding at James' place. If I had only stood up to that bloody-"   
His voice broke, and he felt himself unable to finish the sentence,  
Remus crept over beside him, and cupped his cheek, lifting it, forcing the black-eyed boy to look at him.  
"There was nothing you could have done, you said so yourself once. The disease had spread to much."  
"You don't understand," muttered Sirius. "I don't have a family."  
"Sirius, you have a family. We may not be connected by blood, but the Marauders- we're brothers. Heart, mind, soul." His amber eyes were serious his face only inches away from Sirius'.  
He swallowed, staring at his friend's face, repressing a sudden urge to...  
"Do brothers kiss?" he asked slowly.  
"I don't know," answered Remus.  
  
What happened next, was like in a dream, like slow motion.  
The two boys stared into each other's eyes for a brief second, their faces so close to each other, each one of them feeling the others' breath.  
Sirius sowly leaned forward, his lips meeting Remus', in a soft, tender kiss.  
They didn't notice their hands finding each other, fingers intertwining, so caught up were they in this kiss.  
It was a funny feeling, thought Sirius.   
All fussy, and warm.  
The kiss ended as blurry and dreamlike as it started.  
Remus pulled slowly away, and Sirius opened his eyes.  
A moment of silence.  
Then, when they realised they were holding hands, both laughed, insecure of the other's thoughts.  
Sirius was about to pull his hand away, but Remus held it in a firm, but soft grip.  
And so they stayed that way.  
Staring into eachother's eyes, holding hands.  
  
It was Remus who broke the silence.  
"I think... I think we should get some sleep," he said.  
"Good idea."  
"Yeah."  
Sirius laid down, but when Remus moved away-  
"Stay, will you?"  
Remus turned, perplexed. But then, he laid down next to Sirius, curled up against him.  
"Maybe not brothers, then."  
"Maybe not."  
"Maybe something more..." said Remus, and kissed Sirius' cheek.  
Sirius grinned.  
"Definitely something more."  
  
And as he felt the other boy's warm body next to his... Sirius didn't feel so lonely anymore.


End file.
